UPSB v4
Spammer's Bin / Help! I'm being abused
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Date: Mon, Jun 28 2010 19:57:04
Hello all, I know this may not be the appropriate place to post this, but it is in the general section, and I do need help. Anyway, I have been beaten and abused by my wife the past few days, and I really need some advice as to what I should do. First off, she has been verbally harassing me by calling me a turkey-necked mutant, marshmallow blimp, etc. (I know I am fat, but just calling me this makes me feel very bad.) She is also physically abusing me too. Like one time I went into the bathroom to relieve myself, and she just barges through the door and grabs my willy and begins twisting it rapidly. This hurts very badly, and it often ends up with a huge mess after that I need to clean up (unless she catches me after I have finished obviously.) Among these other things, when I am sleeping, (I am a very heavy sleeper, as I have sleep apnea.) she begins putting little tootsie-rolls up my bottom, so when I go to the bathroom in the morning it sounds as though I am constipated, and all that comes out are little tootsie rolls. I am in a very big dilemma here, and would appreciate any feedback. Thanks!
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Date: Mon, Jun 28 2010 20:15:04
I'm really happy for you.
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Date: Mon, Jun 28 2010 20:35:03
Dude. WTF? I really can't tell if this is serious or not.........
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Date: Mon, Jun 28 2010 21:06:17
Dude. WTF? I really can't tell if this is serious or hot......... fix'd + gave you the prescribed feedback.
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Date: Mon, Jun 28 2010 21:11:49
Is this serious or not? Obviously, you should get help from a councilor or a divorce. OR you could just learn ways to get back at her...
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Date: Mon, Jun 28 2010 21:15:39
dump her, there shouldn't be any doubt here if this isn't real lolz, I feel as if it is fake but would feel bad if that what I assumed and it isn't
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Date: Mon, Jun 28 2010 21:31:21
uhh... this place is filled with kids, you won't get any helpful advice...
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Date: Mon, Jun 28 2010 22:29:05
WEL HEEUHS WOT YOO GOTA DOO, YOO GOTA TAK TAT BITCHES FACE AND SHUV IT BETWEEN THEM FAT ROLLS OF YORS WILE SHE SLEEPS UNTIL SHE STOPS BREETHING, THEN YOO TELL THEM POLICMEN TAT SHE WUS HASING A BAD DREEM AND SHE STARTED TO HOLD YOO BECUZ SHE WUS SCARD, SO SHE SUFFIKATID INBETWEEN UR FAT.
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Date: Mon, Jun 28 2010 22:36:22
you gotta threaten her to show her who's boss, start doing bad stuff too her
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Date: Mon, Jun 28 2010 22:37:50
I can't believe 3+ of you actually need to question how serious this guy is being -_-.
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Date: Mon, Jun 28 2010 22:38:50
davidguy wrote: you gotta threaten her to show her who's boss, start doing bad stuff too her
Yeah, like wait when she's asleep, then bang the shit outta her. Yes. Until she dies. MMMMMMMMMMMMM. Then shove tootsie rolls up her dead ass. And twist her vag. Cut her tits off, and rub it in her face. MMMMMMMMMHMMMM. -
Date: Mon, Jun 28 2010 22:44:45
xSpin wrote: Yeah, like wait when she's asleep, then bang the shit outta her. Yes. Until she dies. MMMMMMMMMMMMM. Then shove tootsie rolls up her dead ass. And twist her vag. Cut her tits off, and rub it in her face. MMMMMMMMMHMMMM.
Too far red car. -
Date: Mon, Jun 28 2010 22:59:59
HERE IS WHAT YOU MUST DO: When you catch her outside of the kitchen, hold up a frying pan and ask "WHY THE FUCK AREN'T YOU IN THE KITCHEN?" If she tries to charge at you, hit her on the head with the pan and knock her out. Drag her back to the kitchen and get sandwich materials. Put them all on your counter or a table, whichever is at the lowest height and try to make a big mess of lettuce, bread, cheese, and condiments. Get some mayonnaise and put it on your erect penis and get unconscious woman and position her so her chest is on the table and her legs are falling off of it. Proceed with buttsecks.
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Date: Mon, Jun 28 2010 23:10:54
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Date: Mon, Jun 28 2010 23:42:30
Lawl. Cheat on her, then arrange for provocative pictures of you and another woman to find themselves into your wife's hands. While you watch her face twist in disgust, begin running for your car. Then get a divorce. Quick man, you're losing time.
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Date: Tue, Jun 29 2010 01:09:07
I am actually being quite serious, and am looking for real answers. I used to love my wife, and still sort of do. She used to love and caress me, but now she has been just pulling these practical pranks on me. I am way too embarrassed to go to a doctor or something, so I figured a forum would be sufficient since no one knows me, and I would get un-baised opinions. I mean, I would get a divorce and everything..but I am nothing without her. She does occasionally treat me kindly, and we are still in a sexual relationships..it's just that these pranks are getting the best of me.
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Date: Tue, Jun 29 2010 01:15:05
Do you penspin?
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Date: Tue, Jun 29 2010 01:21:05
Alpha wrote: I am actually being quite serious, and am looking for real answers. I used to love my wife, and still sort of do. She used to love and caress me, but now she has been just pulling these practical pranks on me. I am way too embarrassed to go to a doctor or something, so I figured a forum would be sufficient since no one knows me, and I would get un-baised opinions. I mean, I would get a divorce and everything..but I am nothing without her. She does occasionally treat me kindly, and we are still in a sexual relationships..it's just that these pranks are getting the best of me.
TEL THAT BITCH TO FUK OFF OR YOO WIL STOP GIVIN HER THE OCCASIONAL GOIN DOWN ON HER, AND AFTER THAT JUST BASH HER FACE IN THE TOILET IF SHE CONTINUES TO BE A BICH, JUST MAKE SURE SHE STAYS IN THE KITCHEN LIKE A WOMAN IS SUPPOSED TO BE AND NOTHING SHOULD GO WRONG -
Date: Tue, Jun 29 2010 01:23:58
wait is this serious? if it is get a mod to move this to 'serious discussion' cuz i think everyone here thinks this is fake, which i do too.:dumbo::dumbo::hah:
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Date: Tue, Jun 29 2010 01:25:31
xSpin wrote: Yeah, like wait when she's asleep, then bang the shit outta her. Yes. Until she dies. MMMMMMMMMMMMM. Then shove tootsie rolls up her dead ass. And twist her vag. Cut her tits off, and rub it in her face. MMMMMMMMMHMMMM.
you need help -
Date: Tue, Jun 29 2010 01:26:55
Goldstars wrote: you need help
:D -
Date: Tue, Jun 29 2010 01:53:04
I was serious too, douche bag
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Date: Tue, Jun 29 2010 02:04:47
So.... Why did you marry her? Why were you even with her in the first place? -_-
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Date: Tue, Jun 29 2010 02:23:16
I married her because she was in love with tootsie rolls just as much as I was. Although, with her recent activity it seems as though she actually loves them more. Just yesterday she had purchased one of those 'foot long tootsie rolls', and began masturbating with it in the room next door. When I walked into the room she screamed, "GET THE HELL OUT!! CAN'T YOU SEE I AM GETTING LAID BY A BLACK MAN!?" =[
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Date: Tue, Jun 29 2010 02:42:23
Okay... Odd husband and wife relationship there. Then just do the same to her.
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Date: Tue, Jun 29 2010 02:53:18
dude just sleep on your back ;] if you said you are on the heavy side, she prolly will have a hard time to roll you...*tootsie roll* ;P
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Date: Tue, Jun 29 2010 02:54:31
Wind wrote: Okay... Odd husband and wife relationship there. Then just do the same to her.
Are you implying he should pleasure himself with a foot-long tootsie roll, and get caught by his wife? In my opinion, these are just light pranks. Hell, I love a woman with her sense of humour. Play some pranks on her back, but if that doesn't work, I wish you best of luck with your chocolate factory. -
Date: Tue, Jun 29 2010 02:56:04
Dude she's obviously into S&M and shit, next time you are in bed bring a knife or something tie her up and threaten to chop off her boobs. Don't forget to gag her and not break character. For better effect take a gun and shut it so it barely misses her. Then begin to skin her whilst fucking her. Constantly whispering into her ear how much of a bitch she is and how she's going to have to listen to you from now on. It's really a lifestyle change, so after the initial shock, you have to start beating your wife and telling her what to do. It's a bit like training a dog.
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Date: Tue, Jun 29 2010 03:16:24
Wind wrote: So.... Why did you marry her? Why were you even with her in the first place? -_-
Obviously because people change... 1. Bait the prey. Put a bucket of tootsie rolls inside the kitchen. Remember to put a giant box over the tootsie roll and have a stick attached to yard of string. 2. Catch the prey. Pull string. 3. Neutralize the prey. Cuff her to the kitchen sink so she doesn't escape. 4. $$$. Or in this case, Sandwich sandwich sandwich P.S. Don't forget to restock fridge! -
Date: Tue, Jun 29 2010 23:32:42
Ummm......guys its obvious he just needs to tell the authorities and get her in a straight jacket in a crazy hut. No need for revenge. You should seriously just consider talking to the authorities for help. (If this is serious though you should really put it in the SERIOUS BUSINESS section :\)
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Date: Wed, Jun 30 2010 00:38:05
go buy yourself a flesh light and start using it and say "GET THE FUCK OUT CANT YOU SEE IM HAVING SEX WITH A REAL WOMAN?"
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Date: Wed, Jun 30 2010 01:09:29
shit thread
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Date: Wed, Jun 30 2010 05:29:48
you guys are silly
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Date: Wed, Jun 30 2010 06:17:52
1) sign up for pen spinning site 2) Troll off topic 3) ??? 4) Profit
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Date: Wed, Jun 30 2010 21:33:17
Kill her. Skin her. Make a hat out of her skin. Eat the rest.
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Date: Thu, Jul 1 2010 02:34:59
obviously your full of shit.... and even if it is true..... your asking abunch of 13 and 14 yr old for advice about marriage..... dude get a life and go to therapy.
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Date: Thu, Jul 1 2010 04:07:06
k dude...chill...see a psychatrist...or a person who speciallizes in marrigaes
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Date: Thu, Jul 1 2010 10:23:05
sex this bitch up and force her to make you a sammich
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Date: Thu, Jul 1 2010 10:51:01
XYZaki wrote: I can't believe 3+ of you actually need to question how serious this guy is being -_-.
u never know... -
Date: Thu, Jul 1 2010 11:18:50
Gr3gY wrote: u never know...
maybe you... -
Date: Thu, Jul 1 2010 12:01:23
*licks the bottom of his shoe*
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Date: Thu, Jul 1 2010 20:18:58
XYZaki wrote: I can't believe 3+ of you actually need to question how serious this guy is being -_-.
Duuuuuude. it's the interwebz. it's serious bizness. -
Date: Wed, Jul 7 2010 02:24:00
if she grabs your penis, then take her head and shove it onto your penis and say SUCK IT