UPSB v4

Off-topic / Dark Jokes/ Dark Humor/ Anti-jokes

  1. Ignator
    Date: Fri, May 16 2014 16:43:30

    I don't even know if I'm allowed to make a thread like this but it would get deleted anyway if I wouldn't so. ITT Dark Humor I'll start: ''How do you know your sister is on your period?'' - ''If your dad's dick tastes likes blood.'' [SIZE="1"]huehuehuehuehuehue[/SIZE]

  2. ShadowParadox
    Date: Fri, May 16 2014 16:46:50

    How do u make 100 babies fit in a jar? With a blender How do u get them out again? With doritos

  3. Soren
    Date: Fri, May 16 2014 16:55:42

    A new level of wut

  4. LighT*
    Date: Fri, May 16 2014 17:47:54

    how do you stop a baby from drowning..... take your foot off of its face

  5. spenpinner
    Date: Fri, May 16 2014 18:28:25

    Why did the chicken cross the road?

    SpoilerTo get to the other side. Expected something else like a dead chicken joke? Well, my friend, no matter how old this joke is, it will always be an anti-joke.

  6. Soren
    Date: Fri, May 16 2014 18:57:55

    spenpinner wrote: Why did the chicken cross the road?
    SpoilerTo get to the other side. Expected something else like a dead chicken joke? Well, my friend, no matter how old this joke is, it will always be an anti-joke.
    Trick question

  7. Zen
    Date: Fri, May 16 2014 19:14:03

    What is worse than finding a worm in your apple?

    SpoilerFinding a half a worm

  8. ShadowParadox
    Date: Fri, May 16 2014 19:27:25

    What's the difference between John Wayne and Jack Daniels?

    SpoilerJack Daniels is still killing Indians.
    SpoilerThe FBI had an open position for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were completed, they had narrowed the field down to 3 possible agents. For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. 'We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances.' Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair... we need you to kill her' The man said, 'You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife.' The agent said, 'Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home.' The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, 'I tried, but I can't kill my wife.' The agent said, 'You don't have what it takes. Take your wife home.' Finally, the last man was given the same instructions, to kill his wife. He took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the man, wiping the sweat from his brow. 'Some idiot loaded the gun with blanks' he said. 'I had to strangle that bitch to death'.

  9. ShadowParadox
    Date: Fri, May 16 2014 19:37:16

    SpoilerA woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer pain of child birth to the Father. He asks If it is ok to use the new device. The couple agrees and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing. They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.

  10. ChainBreak
    Date: Fri, May 16 2014 19:48:14

    Bad puns/jokes also allowed?

  11. Ignator
    Date: Fri, May 16 2014 20:15:25

    Sure Dad jokes also allowed

  12. ShadowParadox
    Date: Fri, May 16 2014 20:54:01

    9/10 people say they enjoy a gangbang

  13. kaku
    Date: Fri, May 16 2014 21:19:49

    What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?

    SpoilerThe wheelchair.
    What's burnt to a crisp and sits atop a flight of stairs?
    SpoilerA quadriplegic after a house fire.
    What is the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Ferrari?
    SpoilerI don't have a Ferrari in my garage.
    Yup, I'm going to hell. I have tons of these.

  14. Soren
    Date: Fri, May 16 2014 21:26:22

    Why are these in spoilers lmao.

  15. ShadowParadox
    Date: Fri, May 16 2014 22:39:06

    Supergirl wrote: Why are these in spoilers lmao.
    Couple reasons actually: first u don't wanna spoil it for the reader, and next it saves space

  16. Reason
    Date: Sat, May 17 2014 02:03:54

    Zen wrote: What is worse than finding a worm in your apple?
    SpoilerFinding a half a worm
    whats worse than finding half a worm in your apple?
    Spoilerthe holocaust.

  17. Court34
    Date: Sat, May 17 2014 03:45:38

    What do you do when your dishwasher's broken? Slap her.

  18. Shiftyei
    Date: Sat, May 17 2014 03:49:39

    What did the lawyer say to the other lawyer? "We're both lawyers."

  19. jaredftw
    Date: Sat, May 17 2014 04:11:43

    What is red and smells like blue paint?

    Spoilerred paint

  20. ChainBreak
    Date: Sat, May 17 2014 09:29:36

    What do you call a great fan? FAN-tastic.

  21. AnAsianBrony
    Date: Sun, May 18 2014 04:49:12

    A white guy, a black guy, and a spanish guy jump off a building. They all die on impact and their families mourn their loss for years to come. Why are black people so good at basketball?

    SpoilerDedication and hard work.

  22. Solar
    Date: Sun, May 18 2014 06:16:11

    why did Jack sacrifice himself for Rose ? to win the Oscars. .Why did Jack never gets back to Rose? because he was not able to get the award

  23. Vedyl
    Date: Sun, May 18 2014 12:48:14

    Why did Princess Diana cross the road?

    SpoilerShe wasn't wearing a seatbelt
    imo
    Spoilerconservation of momentum
    A man goes to the library and asks for a book on suicide. The librarian says, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back." So a little kid and a child molester start walking into a forest. They keep walking for what seems like hours, and it gets darker and darker and darker, and the forest gets deeper and deeper and deeper. The kid turns to the child molester and he says "Gee mister, it sure is scary out here!" The child molester says "How do you think I feel, kid? I'm gonna have to walk out of this forest by myself!" What's black, smells and has 17 tits?
    SpoilerThe bin bags outside the breast cancer ward

  24. Soren
    Date: Mon, May 19 2014 11:05:06

    What's death? This thread.

  25. jaredftw
    Date: Mon, May 19 2014 13:48:11

    how do you know if a fruit is sweet or not?

    Spoiler you taste it

  26. Zen
    Date: Mon, May 19 2014 18:58:59

    Reason wrote: whats worse than finding half a worm in your apple?
    Spoilerthe holocaust.
    sigh thank god. I was waiting for this one. Thanks @Vedyl i love your first joke

  27. Reason
    Date: Mon, May 19 2014 19:00:10

    Zen wrote: sigh thank god. I was waiting for this one. Thanks @Reason for completing the joke
    you cant just not make that joke lolol

  28. Vedyl
    Date: Mon, May 19 2014 21:30:25

    Zen wrote: @Vedyl i love your first joke
    Thank you ^_^

  29. Solid
    Date: Mon, May 19 2014 21:45:44

    what has 2 legs and is red all over? half a cat. a mexican a russian and an american are standing on a bridge. the russian takes a sip of vodka and throws it off the bridge. the mexican asks, "why'd you do that?". the russian responds "we have too many of those in our country". the mexican takes a bite of a taco and does the same thing. the american asks "why'd you do that?". the mexican responds "we have enough of those in our country. the american then throws the mexican off the bridge. (not meant to be racist simply... a joke )

  30. Reason
    Date: Fri, May 23 2014 11:56:04

  31. SiL
    Date: Fri, May 23 2014 13:36:34

    Not really a dark joke but here goes... You get hard when you look at yourself in the mirror. Why?

    Spoilernope, not because you look sexy
    Spoilerbut because you look like a pussy

  32. Solar
    Date: Sun, May 25 2014 02:11:12

    What did one ocean say to the other ocean ? Nothing. He just waved.

  33. Manman!
    Date: Sun, May 25 2014 02:57:47

    Why did obama cross the road? To get his birth certificate #Lame #Rekt

  34. Awesome
    Date: Sun, May 25 2014 04:07:56

    Why did people sign up for a PS board? To wait for their death. Am I doing it right?

  35. ShadowParadox
    Date: Mon, May 26 2014 14:52:09

    Ukurugenzi is an 8-year old Kenyan orphan who walks 11 miles to his mud-hut school every day. With your donation of just 25 cents a day, we can buy a whip and make that lazy bastard run.

  36. Solar
    Date: Sun, Jun 1 2014 06:59:43

    wanna hear a joke about Sodium? Na

  37. Soren
    Date: Wed, Jun 18 2014 20:01:17

  38. Tentcell
    Date: Wed, Jun 18 2014 21:38:09

    I found out Santa wasn't real when I realized his cock was the same as my dad's

  39. Soren
    Date: Wed, Jun 18 2014 21:38:57

    Tentcell wrote: I found out Santa wasn't real when I realized his cock was the same as my dad's
    Is there a story behind this?

  40. Tentcell
    Date: Wed, Jun 18 2014 21:41:40

    Supergirl wrote: Is there a story behind this?
    When ur older

  41. Soren
    Date: Wed, Jun 18 2014 22:13:22

    Tentcell wrote: When ur older
    Why do I have to be older?

  42. kchspinna16
    Date: Thu, Nov 20 2014 07:22:05

    Can someone pls revive this? Anyway, wuts blue and yellow at the bottom of the pool?

    Spoilera baby with slashed floaties
    How do you stop a baby from crawling in a circle?
    Spoilernail its other hand on the floor! duh...
    And you know your girlfriend is too young when you have to make the airplane noise just to get a blowjob

  43. Soren
    Date: Mon, Nov 24 2014 19:12:21

    A beautiful woman is standing on a bridge, looking over the side and thinking about jumping off. A homeless man walks up to her. She sees the man coming and says, "Go away! There's nothing you can say to change my mind!" He says, "Well, if you're going to kill yourself anyway, why don't we have sex? At least I'll enjoy it." "Absolutely not! You're disgusting!", she replies. The man turns and starts walking away. "Is that all you're going to say? You're not going to try to convince me that life is worth living? Where are you going?" "I have to make it down to the bottom. If I hurry, you'll still be warm!", he says.

  44. AfroSquared
    Date: Mon, Nov 24 2014 20:42:56

    @Soren that was aick but made me laugh

  45. ItsNick
    Date: Thu, Nov 27 2014 11:15:03

    Age is just a number… yeah, and jail is just a room. Yo mama so old, that she gotta die very soon What do you call a man with a shovel in his head? An ambulance due to the fact that he has a rather serious head wound. What did the Hungarian say before he went to bed? "I'm going to bed," but he said it in Hungarian.